Ask The Miracle Worker
Q.What can be done about a messy
husband? He leaves papers, mail, books, etc. everywhere and it's
driving me to distraction. I've tried boxes, files, baskets, hiding
it--nothing has worked. Any ideas would be appreciated.
A. Here
are suggestions for coping effectively with a messy husband:
1. The
two of you must decide upon an area that he is allowed to keep as
messy as he likes. Ideally, this would be a small room, perhaps his
home office. But if a separate room is not an option, designate a
corner of a room & use a folding screen to create a border. In our
house, my husband--a.k.a. "the most disorganized man in the
world"--has a room we call The Pit. It has been a real
marriage-saver. For one thing, it gives me a place to put the stuff he
leaves elsewhere (mail, paperwork, computer magazines, shoes, you name
it). We've agreed that I will never throw out his stuff without his
say-so, but I can--and do--move it into The Pit. Another rule we
follow: the door to The Pit is always kept closed!
2. Accept
the fact that he is probably never going to change. All you can do is
make it as easy as possible for you to clean up after him. (Having a
"Pit" area is one way of doing this.) Here's an excerpt from
my first book, "MORE TIME FOR SEX: The Organizing Guide for Busy
Couples," which I think explains it best: "Early on in our
marriage, I decided to accept that having a well-organized, neat,
clean home was important to me--but not to Henry. What this means is
that, since Henry doesn't really care how the inside of the house
looks, it's completely unrealistic to expect him to. No amount of
arguing, cajoling, pleading or threatening will ever effect more than
a temporary change in his (or any mate's) behavior. But since he's
extremely easygoing & good-natured and therefore very easy to live
with overall, I decided that I'd rather pick up after him than harass
him continuously..." (There's more, but you'll have to get the
book.)
3. If
possible--that is, if both of you agree it's a good idea--do his
filing for him. It will probably make both of your lives easier in the
long run. Of course, to make it fair, he should do tasks for you that
you don't like to do. (Maybe he already does; if not, I'd recommend
figuring out a more equitable arrangement.) Another resource you might
be interested in is a book by Sandra Felton, "When You Live With
a Messie."
© 2013 by Harriet
Schechter
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For more clutter-control advice as well as helpful forms and checklists, read LET GO OF CLUTTER.
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